Thursday 20 May 2010

Finally, I have some time to write! I’m at the laundry mat right now catching up on two weeks worth of clothes. I have been waiting all week to sit down at a computer to write. When I first started this blog, I didn’t know how I felt about writing. However, I’ve learned to love it. It is nice to sit down and just get my thoughts in order. Sometimes during the day, I think about what I am going to write about, yet by the time, I finally get to my computer, I completely forget about what I was going to write.

However, I think I remember most about what I wanted to say.
I’ve had a crazy week. On Monday, the day consisted of working, gym, tanning, grabbing dinner, and then the last Truth Project class of the year. The Truth Project is a 12-week class that consists of a 50-minute video and discussion. The Truth Project class was created by Focus on the Family to really dig into the issues of Christian beliefs while comparing it to the worldview. The class really opened my eyes to the lies the world have been telling me. After this class, I really have a deeper understanding of my faith. The class recommended a lot of readings that I hope to read through during the course of my life. Originally, I wanted to read a lot of them over the summer. So far, I’m not getting as much reading done, as I would like to.

Tuesday was another long, but wonderful day. I worked a half day at work. At noon, my mom picked me up, coming all the way from Erie, to take me back up to Erie for my final dress fitting. I always enjoy the car rides with my mom. The last few times she has picked me up from Pittsburgh, we’ve had great talks just catching up on life and talking about stuff we normally wouldn’t during our half hour phone calls once a week. We talk about everything and anything! This time we got to the bridal store on time. Last time my mom picked me up for my fitting we were 15 minutes late! I’m glad we did have the second fitting because there was some stuff that the tailors messed up. If I didn’t try on the dress, the mistake would not have been caught. We also caught a mistake that I made. While looking at wedding dresses, I discovered the horrible price for veils. Therefore, I decided to make mine. I had my veil finished months ago. I brought it with me for the dress fitting, and I found out that I sowed the veil onto the comb wrong. In addition, we discovered that since my hair is so thin that a comb would not stay in my hair. After the fitting, my mom and I went to Wal-Mart to get a clip for my veil. A couple days before the wedding I will glue the veil onto the clip.

That same evening was my brother’s, Eric, Honor Convocation, in which the high school honors the high-achieving students and announces scholarship winners. Eric was honored for being on the honor roll all four years of high school. As soon as I sat down in the auditorium, I felt like I was in high school again. I was taken back to the night of my senior year honors convocation. I remembered the feelings that I had during the event. My whole goal during my high school career was to kick butt in academics so I could get scholarships to get my college education paid for. That night was a nightmare.

Before the event, I had applied for numerous scholarships, and I thought I had every single one in the bag. How could they not give me this scholarship? My parents were making next to nothing, I was graduating third in my class and going to the University of Pittsburgh to major in neuroscience to eventually do research and save the world! That night, my anger grew as I checked off yet another scholarship that someone else got that I applied for as well. Why didn't I get these scholarships? It seemed like the same people were getting them, and the people who were receiving them were not in financial need at all. My mom is lucky is can pay all her bills right now, let alone help pay for my continuing education.

Before they announced the scholarship winners, the principal whispered in my ear “Get use to this,” when I went up to receive the principal’s award. What the heck did he mean by that? My name was not being announced at all. Finally, after about 20 scholarships, the receivers of the Mildred-Cross scholarship were announced. About forty people received the scholarship and I was one of them. I was so pissed when I stood up when my name was called. One scholarship! One damn lousy scholarship when I applied for so many others. After the scholarships were announced, they gave out awards for Outstanding Scholar and Outstanding Senior. To sum it up, I walked away with seven awards that night. It even might have been more than the valedictorian might or salutatorian received. I left with a big smile on my face. Finally, I felt that my hard work during high school paid off and noticed. However, wood plagues don’t pay the bills.

Oh, how life turns out. If you told that 17-year old girl sitting in that auditorium what she would become three years from then, she would have thought you have joined the nut house! On the outside, there are some slight changes. After several hair color changes, I am went back to the blonde and black underneath that I had in high school. After trying every other hair color, I think I look better blonde, and Randy likes it better, also. I was a pale little stick then. Now, I’m a tan stick with some muscle. During the last three years, I’ve got addicted to the gym. I enjoy running and weight lifting. I’ve stayed about the same weight but just added muscle. Now, if only I could get away from sweets, I would look even better. It is nice to have my awards still on display in my room. I realized while at Eric’s Honor Convocation that the scholarship that I received made a significant contribution, whereas the other scholarships that I applied were of smaller value. In the end, the Lord still took care of me even when I didn’t believe He was there. That is another thing.

I might have only had slight changes on the outside, but the inside has gradually been transformed over the last three years. I am more confident then I ever was during high school. I had no clue what I really wanted to do with my life. Now, I know that I want to make a difference and help others in the spirit of Christ. In addition, my faith is restored. During my senior year of high school, I didn’t believe that God was out there. Therefore, I was slightly depressed. What was the purpose of living if there wasn’t anything beyond this life because in the end, everything was meaningless. I hated that answer. I tried to convince myself that He was out there, but he felt a universe away. Today, he is getting closer and closer. There has not always been positive progress. Some days it is two steps forward and three steps back. However, I am trying my best, and that is what counts. That 17-year old girl had to have a plan for everything. She had the next five years planned. Now, my plans are thrown out the window, and I am trusting in the Lord to guide me one day at a time. I know what is truly important in life now…faith and family because those are the two that will never leave you. In addition, the 17 year old would not have thought she would have fell in love so quickly and would be getting married in 15 days. Right now, I cannot believe it too. It is finally happening! I’m going to be stuck with my best friend for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

It’s amazing what a couple of years will do. I hope the only way I keep going is up.

Counting Down the Days

In 14 days, Randy will be back in the states, and in 19 days I will be officially an Air Force wife.
I'm getting the last minute things together for the wedding such as the favors, seating chart, place cards, dress fitting, ceremony stuff, and final guest count underway.

I still love living in my apartment. I abosolutely love walking everywhere in Pittsburgh during the summer. I love soaking up the sun and feeling the breeze; it is so refreshing. I'm going to go crazy when I'm back in my hometown and I have to drive everywhere! Sometimes, my mom's driving makes me car sick. She drives like a crazy lady sometimes.

In the last couple blog entries I have posted, I have been so relaxed and calm about what the future will hold in the next couple of months. However, the anxiety has creeped up again. I've noticed that I have not put my worries at Christ's feet, but have been carrying the burdens around over the last week or so. I noticed this when I stopped memorizing my weekly Bible verse. When the anxious thoughts went away, I had to fill them with something else, such as my Bible verse to calm me down when I start to get anxious. However, this week, I did not have a memory verse. (Well, I did have a memory verse selected, but I did not put effort into memorizing it or putting it on a note card to keep with me all the time.) So right now, I found a verse to memorize for the week: “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). I dug out my packet of note cards from my boxes of school supplies. Tonight will be a night to focus back on what matters most, not on what might or might not happen in the future. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34). I have definately noticed the difference from I am no longer anxious and trust in the Lord completely to when anxiety creeps back into my life and I take the burden upon myself.

Still no word on our next base. This is driving both Randy and I nuts!

Ok enough serious stuff, during these next 2 weeks, nothing can bring me down because my baby is coming home!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so happy to finally start our lives together. I've been waiting for this for too long.
Now, off to make dinner...mmmm pancakes!

Back Home

Last weekend, I went back to my hometown to see my mom for mother's day. Friday was a bit crazy. My mom drove to Pittsburgh to pick me up then we stopped at Prime Outlets for some light shopping and Chinese food. Then we had to rush to get into Erie for my wedding gown fitting.
I fall more in love with that dress every time I wear it. I love how it sparkles and how it is just me. I would post a link, but I don't want to risk Randy seeing it. I want it to be a complete surprise for him.
After the dress fitting, my mom and I did some running around before finally being able to go back home to relax.
Today, I met my godson for the first time. Even though I have not met him in person, I felt like I already know him because Sam, his mother, is always posting pictures of him on Facebook.
I have mixed feelings about coming home. It is great to see my family and friends, but it no longer feels like home. Maybe that is a good thing. That way, it might be easier when Randy and I move to our new station. They say home is where the heart is. Right now, my heart is torn between Pittsburgh, PA and Germany. My home will always be where Randy and I rest our head at night. Right now, we sleep in two different countries...so I have multiple homes. When Randy finally comes home...anywhere we go will be home.

Tuesday 4 May 2010

Tuesday 4 May 2010
One month until the wedding!
Bible verse of the week to memorize: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
My wonderful friend Brittany suggested having a Bible verse to memorize that relates to your week. I have been doing this for three weeks. During the course of the week when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I repeat the Bible verse in my head. It reminds me that God is in control and not me.
Over the past month, I have realized that even though I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, I have never given up my life for him. I have always lived my life for myself or someone else. I want this summer to be a life changing summer in so many aspects of my life. I have no clue were I am going to be in the fall. If be here in Pittsburgh or off to wherever Randy may be. I continuously pray that the Lord opens a door and closes a door to tell me exactly where he wants me to be. Randy still does not know where he is being stationed and yet I trust the Lord that he will put us where we will grow the most. Even when we do not follow what God has planned for us, he does turn in around into a situation that we can grow in Him. I came to Pitt with the wrong motives, but the Lord has turned it around. I have found a church that I will forever call my home church. Back home, I was never involved in a church. On Sunday, my family and I (my mom , brother, and I) would go to the service (always late..drove me nuts) and then leave. We did not talk to many people, and if I tried to get involved in the church it was quickly cut off from my mom complaining about taking me everywhere. At Northway Oakland, I am really part of a community. I have been heavy involved…taking almost every class they offer and in return volunteering at every chance I get. I have made some great friendships, which have helped me to motive my growth in my relationship with Christ. I am just not another face in the crowd. No matter where I go, Northway will always be home.
Like all things, there are positives and negatives about going back to work. One of the positives is that I have the evenings free! I am no longer studying until 1900 or 2000. The negative is trying remembering everything I learned from the summer before and failing horribly. There was no brush up course on the gadgets and terms in the lab. My colleague would ask me to get him something from the table of a million things. I do not remember what that thing is…and panic! The first day back, I prepped a rat for surgery. I was not quite sure what surgery we were doing and I kept on asking my colleague if I was doing it right. He got frustrated with me and told me to stop and just do it. That shut me up and whipped me in shape. Today was even worst.
Along with all of this, there is the wedding stuff. My first dress fitting is Friday. I am still trying to contact people about RSVPs. Some people are just hard to get a hold of. Getting the count is holding up contacting the reception hall and the baker. Other than that, I plan to take care of the rest of things the week before the wedding. I just hope everything goes a little smoothly. I know that it will not go perfectly.

Sunday 2 May 2010

Sunday 2 May 2010

Day 2 on my own has been tiring.  I woke up early to help with the Pittsburgh Marathon with my church.  Even though it was a rainy day, the runners were so inspirational.  The runners go through a lot to complete a race.  When I was just looking at the runners, they made me tired.  Yet, just saying that you completed a marathon is something.  I hope I will be able to say that someday.  Seeing the runners made me want to run more.  No, I have not started running yet. I hope that I will start this week.

After the marathon, Liana and I went grocery shopping.  I was not prepared at all.  I knew what I needed for breakfast and lunch, but I had no clue what to get for dinner.  Therefore, I got some pasta, some chicken, a frozen pizza, and some sides.  I hope all the food lasts for a week or more.

Tonight, I cooked up some whole-wheat cheese raviolis.  I did not do a bad job, I think.  I was lazy though and did not make any veggies or sides to go with it.  I have to start making a whole meal instead of just parts of a meal.  That is something else I need to work on during the summer.  In addition, I should start planning before I go to the grocery store.  I would like to start to plan what I want to eat during that week, so I will get just what I need without buying things that I might not use.

Tomorrow, I start work again at the neurobiology lab…should be a good day.

Saturday 1 May 2010

Saturday 1 May 2010

It has been a while since I wrote on this blog.  I have just completed my junior year at Pitt.  It was a very stressful time, and I hope future semesters are near as stressful as the pass one.

Today marks a new chapter in my life.  I moved into my first place.  I am completely on my own, paying rent, getting groceries, and the whole thing.  I am excited about it.  The whole semester, my plan was to live with my parents for the summer; however, the thought of living with them was not a pleasant one.  A couple of weeks before the end of the semester, my friend, Liana (who I kept on running into everywhere!) asked if I wanted to crash at her apartment for the summer.  I kindly declined, saying I was living with my parents.  Yet, later that day, I realized living with my parents would cause so much stress that I called Liana and asked if her offer was still on the table.  I crunched the numbers and found that I could comfortably afford the rent and still have money left over to save.

I truly believe that the Lord put Liana in my path so we could be roommates for the summer.  If I were not her roommate, she probably would be living on her own.  This whole situation has taught me that no matter how much planning I do, the Lord has a better plan for me.  Proverbs 16:9 says “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”  This situation has allowed me to give my future to the Lord instead of planning for the next x amount of years.  For example, Randy and I are waiting to find out where our first base as a married couple will be.  Randy did not get the PRP certification needed to go the Minot AFB, North Dakota.  I am actually glad we are not going to Minot AFB because I heard that it is cold and they get a lot of snow.  So, I am hoping for somewhere in the south.  However, wherever we are stationed, I know that the Lord put us there for a reason.

So here, I am in my new place.  It is so nice.  We have a full kitchen, living room, and a spacious bedroom.  In addition, the fact that I am now independent makes it all so much better.  What adds to the charm is that my desk is right in front of the computer.  I feel like Carrie Bradshaw right now typing on my computer in front of the window. J

This whole summer is a summer of big positive changes.  By the end of the summer, I will be an Air Force wife!  There are other personal goals that I want to achieve this summer.

My summer reading list:

-God Answers Prayers: Military Edition by Allison Bottke

-The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey (So we can start on the right track financially in our marriage)

-Stay regular with my daily Bible readings as I read along with What the Bible Is All About by Dr. Henrietta Mears.

-and some pleasure reading

I also want to start running.  I am not a runner at all, but I want to become one.  I would like to work towards a 5K, 10K, half marathon, and then full marathon some day.  I know I will have to start slow.  Start with a mile and gradually work my way up to more mileage.

Randy comes home in 29 days.  I daydream about the moment when we see each other for the first time at the airport.  I know I will run up, jump on him and give many kisses.

The wedding stuff is coming together.  Almost all of the RSVPs are in.  After I get a count, I have to call the Riverside and the baker.

Finally back and hopefully staying for a while

My last post was 2 months ago!
A little has happened since then.  I finished my junior year at Pitt, started a full time job for the summer, and finishing up wedding planning. I have also moved into my own place, which I am really excited about. 
At my new place I'm having trouble getting on the internet, but I have keeping a journal of sorts on a Word document.  Hopefully, in the next couple of days I will post what I have written.
It is finally nice to get back into writing.  I have surely missed it!