Lesson #3 The feeling never goes away.

After 2.5 years, you would think I would know how to deal with him being tens of thousands of miles away. Nope.
This is both a good and bad thing.  It is a good thing because it lets me know that we haven't grown apart, and that I still love and need him.
It's a bad thing, too.  When he is gone I'm on an emotional roller coaster.  During the day I'm so focused on school and hanging out with friends that I try to push Randy to the back of my mind.  That never works. He is always in the forefront of my mind, still after 2.5 years!  When I'm walking to class, in class, and with friends I wonder what is he doing this exact moment and if he is thinking about me, too.  The nights are the worst.  It is time that I stop and realize he isn't around, and that I don't have his strong arms to sleep in.  For once, I would love to have a day when I'm not missing him, when my heart isn't broken, and when I have peace.  That is only achievable when he is here.  I'm going to have to wait 4 more months for that.
Maybe this roller coaster is a good thing after all.  good and bad.

Lesson #2 Absence makes the heart grow fonder

There are two sayings. Out of sight, out of mind, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. For me, and only with Randy,the latter is true. If it was any other guy I would have ended the reltionship when he left for basic. However, with Randy, it is completely different.


I guess it is probably because I knew I wanted to be with him forever! :-)

The longer he is away the more I want to see him. I know I'm not gonna find a better guy so I better hold in tight to this one! Everyday I get closer to seeing him again. When it is about a month until our long awaited reunion, I picture how I will greet him at the airport. Will I jump up and wrap my legs around him or will he just engulf me in his big arms?

Over the last couple of days I haven't been able to talk to Randy much. We only talk about 10-15 minutes on the phone during day, because it uses up my cell phone minutes. After 9pm, I can talk to him for free and as long as I want :-)! Normally, Randy will go to bed early after he is off work, so by the time 9pm (3am his time) he is rested for the next day and awake to talk.

For that last two nights I've only talked to him for 5 minutes. He has been going to bed later (staying up to play Left for Dead 2). So when I call at 9pm, he is half asleep and I swear he falls right back to sleep after he answers the phone.

I try not to get upset. After about a year of this, I've learned not to try to talk to him but to let him go back to bed. Sometimes he fights it! He doesn't want me to go, which is really sweet, but I can't stand having to repeat myself 5 times before I get a response.

As a result, last night I went to bed with that feeling. The feeling I'm sure every military spouse/girlfriend has had when they really miss their significant other and they can't talk to them at the moment. You feel it in your gut. You just feel empty, like there is a big whole inside you that only your signficant other's voice will fill.

We will see if this will be the third night that I will go to sleep with that feeling.

Stupid video games!

Delay of Onset, Lesson #1 Expect Long Times of Separation

I am in the ultimate long distance relationship. Randy and I have been together for about 2.5 years. During that time, we have seen each other a total of 9 months. That is only 30%. We see each other about every six months or so. So when my friends say that they are going to miss their boyfriend or girlfriend while they are gone for a week, I just roll my eyes, and say "Try six months, then get back to me."

I don't mean to be rude, but with what I have been through, one week is nothing.
You see, Randy serving in the US Air Force in Germany while I am stuck in the states finishing my college degree.
So, you might say, if you are complaining, why are you in this relationship anyways?
Please do not mistake me for complaining. I am doing no such thing. My intentions is that you will merely understand the degree of separation. Yet, this separation is only physical. Even though, Randy is tens of thousands of miles away, yet (as cheesy as it sounds) he is in my heart.
He is so far away, but I know that I have someone who loves me for all of me (faults and all, which is hard to find).
I am looking forward to the day when I can join Randy at his new base.  I always wanted to travel.  What better way to experience that than in the military?
What am I most looking forward to (other than waking up and seeing my hubby next to me) getting out of my comfort zone, getting involved, volunteering, and finding what I want to do in my life.
This is a beginning of many more posts!
Stay tuned!