Thursday 20 May 2010

Finally, I have some time to write! I’m at the laundry mat right now catching up on two weeks worth of clothes. I have been waiting all week to sit down at a computer to write. When I first started this blog, I didn’t know how I felt about writing. However, I’ve learned to love it. It is nice to sit down and just get my thoughts in order. Sometimes during the day, I think about what I am going to write about, yet by the time, I finally get to my computer, I completely forget about what I was going to write.

However, I think I remember most about what I wanted to say.
I’ve had a crazy week. On Monday, the day consisted of working, gym, tanning, grabbing dinner, and then the last Truth Project class of the year. The Truth Project is a 12-week class that consists of a 50-minute video and discussion. The Truth Project class was created by Focus on the Family to really dig into the issues of Christian beliefs while comparing it to the worldview. The class really opened my eyes to the lies the world have been telling me. After this class, I really have a deeper understanding of my faith. The class recommended a lot of readings that I hope to read through during the course of my life. Originally, I wanted to read a lot of them over the summer. So far, I’m not getting as much reading done, as I would like to.

Tuesday was another long, but wonderful day. I worked a half day at work. At noon, my mom picked me up, coming all the way from Erie, to take me back up to Erie for my final dress fitting. I always enjoy the car rides with my mom. The last few times she has picked me up from Pittsburgh, we’ve had great talks just catching up on life and talking about stuff we normally wouldn’t during our half hour phone calls once a week. We talk about everything and anything! This time we got to the bridal store on time. Last time my mom picked me up for my fitting we were 15 minutes late! I’m glad we did have the second fitting because there was some stuff that the tailors messed up. If I didn’t try on the dress, the mistake would not have been caught. We also caught a mistake that I made. While looking at wedding dresses, I discovered the horrible price for veils. Therefore, I decided to make mine. I had my veil finished months ago. I brought it with me for the dress fitting, and I found out that I sowed the veil onto the comb wrong. In addition, we discovered that since my hair is so thin that a comb would not stay in my hair. After the fitting, my mom and I went to Wal-Mart to get a clip for my veil. A couple days before the wedding I will glue the veil onto the clip.

That same evening was my brother’s, Eric, Honor Convocation, in which the high school honors the high-achieving students and announces scholarship winners. Eric was honored for being on the honor roll all four years of high school. As soon as I sat down in the auditorium, I felt like I was in high school again. I was taken back to the night of my senior year honors convocation. I remembered the feelings that I had during the event. My whole goal during my high school career was to kick butt in academics so I could get scholarships to get my college education paid for. That night was a nightmare.

Before the event, I had applied for numerous scholarships, and I thought I had every single one in the bag. How could they not give me this scholarship? My parents were making next to nothing, I was graduating third in my class and going to the University of Pittsburgh to major in neuroscience to eventually do research and save the world! That night, my anger grew as I checked off yet another scholarship that someone else got that I applied for as well. Why didn't I get these scholarships? It seemed like the same people were getting them, and the people who were receiving them were not in financial need at all. My mom is lucky is can pay all her bills right now, let alone help pay for my continuing education.

Before they announced the scholarship winners, the principal whispered in my ear “Get use to this,” when I went up to receive the principal’s award. What the heck did he mean by that? My name was not being announced at all. Finally, after about 20 scholarships, the receivers of the Mildred-Cross scholarship were announced. About forty people received the scholarship and I was one of them. I was so pissed when I stood up when my name was called. One scholarship! One damn lousy scholarship when I applied for so many others. After the scholarships were announced, they gave out awards for Outstanding Scholar and Outstanding Senior. To sum it up, I walked away with seven awards that night. It even might have been more than the valedictorian might or salutatorian received. I left with a big smile on my face. Finally, I felt that my hard work during high school paid off and noticed. However, wood plagues don’t pay the bills.

Oh, how life turns out. If you told that 17-year old girl sitting in that auditorium what she would become three years from then, she would have thought you have joined the nut house! On the outside, there are some slight changes. After several hair color changes, I am went back to the blonde and black underneath that I had in high school. After trying every other hair color, I think I look better blonde, and Randy likes it better, also. I was a pale little stick then. Now, I’m a tan stick with some muscle. During the last three years, I’ve got addicted to the gym. I enjoy running and weight lifting. I’ve stayed about the same weight but just added muscle. Now, if only I could get away from sweets, I would look even better. It is nice to have my awards still on display in my room. I realized while at Eric’s Honor Convocation that the scholarship that I received made a significant contribution, whereas the other scholarships that I applied were of smaller value. In the end, the Lord still took care of me even when I didn’t believe He was there. That is another thing.

I might have only had slight changes on the outside, but the inside has gradually been transformed over the last three years. I am more confident then I ever was during high school. I had no clue what I really wanted to do with my life. Now, I know that I want to make a difference and help others in the spirit of Christ. In addition, my faith is restored. During my senior year of high school, I didn’t believe that God was out there. Therefore, I was slightly depressed. What was the purpose of living if there wasn’t anything beyond this life because in the end, everything was meaningless. I hated that answer. I tried to convince myself that He was out there, but he felt a universe away. Today, he is getting closer and closer. There has not always been positive progress. Some days it is two steps forward and three steps back. However, I am trying my best, and that is what counts. That 17-year old girl had to have a plan for everything. She had the next five years planned. Now, my plans are thrown out the window, and I am trusting in the Lord to guide me one day at a time. I know what is truly important in life now…faith and family because those are the two that will never leave you. In addition, the 17 year old would not have thought she would have fell in love so quickly and would be getting married in 15 days. Right now, I cannot believe it too. It is finally happening! I’m going to be stuck with my best friend for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

It’s amazing what a couple of years will do. I hope the only way I keep going is up.

Counting Down the Days

In 14 days, Randy will be back in the states, and in 19 days I will be officially an Air Force wife.
I'm getting the last minute things together for the wedding such as the favors, seating chart, place cards, dress fitting, ceremony stuff, and final guest count underway.

I still love living in my apartment. I abosolutely love walking everywhere in Pittsburgh during the summer. I love soaking up the sun and feeling the breeze; it is so refreshing. I'm going to go crazy when I'm back in my hometown and I have to drive everywhere! Sometimes, my mom's driving makes me car sick. She drives like a crazy lady sometimes.

In the last couple blog entries I have posted, I have been so relaxed and calm about what the future will hold in the next couple of months. However, the anxiety has creeped up again. I've noticed that I have not put my worries at Christ's feet, but have been carrying the burdens around over the last week or so. I noticed this when I stopped memorizing my weekly Bible verse. When the anxious thoughts went away, I had to fill them with something else, such as my Bible verse to calm me down when I start to get anxious. However, this week, I did not have a memory verse. (Well, I did have a memory verse selected, but I did not put effort into memorizing it or putting it on a note card to keep with me all the time.) So right now, I found a verse to memorize for the week: “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). I dug out my packet of note cards from my boxes of school supplies. Tonight will be a night to focus back on what matters most, not on what might or might not happen in the future. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34). I have definately noticed the difference from I am no longer anxious and trust in the Lord completely to when anxiety creeps back into my life and I take the burden upon myself.

Still no word on our next base. This is driving both Randy and I nuts!

Ok enough serious stuff, during these next 2 weeks, nothing can bring me down because my baby is coming home!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so happy to finally start our lives together. I've been waiting for this for too long.
Now, off to make dinner...mmmm pancakes!

Back Home

Last weekend, I went back to my hometown to see my mom for mother's day. Friday was a bit crazy. My mom drove to Pittsburgh to pick me up then we stopped at Prime Outlets for some light shopping and Chinese food. Then we had to rush to get into Erie for my wedding gown fitting.
I fall more in love with that dress every time I wear it. I love how it sparkles and how it is just me. I would post a link, but I don't want to risk Randy seeing it. I want it to be a complete surprise for him.
After the dress fitting, my mom and I did some running around before finally being able to go back home to relax.
Today, I met my godson for the first time. Even though I have not met him in person, I felt like I already know him because Sam, his mother, is always posting pictures of him on Facebook.
I have mixed feelings about coming home. It is great to see my family and friends, but it no longer feels like home. Maybe that is a good thing. That way, it might be easier when Randy and I move to our new station. They say home is where the heart is. Right now, my heart is torn between Pittsburgh, PA and Germany. My home will always be where Randy and I rest our head at night. Right now, we sleep in two different countries...so I have multiple homes. When Randy finally comes home...anywhere we go will be home.