Thursday 20 May 2010

Finally, I have some time to write! I’m at the laundry mat right now catching up on two weeks worth of clothes. I have been waiting all week to sit down at a computer to write. When I first started this blog, I didn’t know how I felt about writing. However, I’ve learned to love it. It is nice to sit down and just get my thoughts in order. Sometimes during the day, I think about what I am going to write about, yet by the time, I finally get to my computer, I completely forget about what I was going to write.

However, I think I remember most about what I wanted to say.
I’ve had a crazy week. On Monday, the day consisted of working, gym, tanning, grabbing dinner, and then the last Truth Project class of the year. The Truth Project is a 12-week class that consists of a 50-minute video and discussion. The Truth Project class was created by Focus on the Family to really dig into the issues of Christian beliefs while comparing it to the worldview. The class really opened my eyes to the lies the world have been telling me. After this class, I really have a deeper understanding of my faith. The class recommended a lot of readings that I hope to read through during the course of my life. Originally, I wanted to read a lot of them over the summer. So far, I’m not getting as much reading done, as I would like to.

Tuesday was another long, but wonderful day. I worked a half day at work. At noon, my mom picked me up, coming all the way from Erie, to take me back up to Erie for my final dress fitting. I always enjoy the car rides with my mom. The last few times she has picked me up from Pittsburgh, we’ve had great talks just catching up on life and talking about stuff we normally wouldn’t during our half hour phone calls once a week. We talk about everything and anything! This time we got to the bridal store on time. Last time my mom picked me up for my fitting we were 15 minutes late! I’m glad we did have the second fitting because there was some stuff that the tailors messed up. If I didn’t try on the dress, the mistake would not have been caught. We also caught a mistake that I made. While looking at wedding dresses, I discovered the horrible price for veils. Therefore, I decided to make mine. I had my veil finished months ago. I brought it with me for the dress fitting, and I found out that I sowed the veil onto the comb wrong. In addition, we discovered that since my hair is so thin that a comb would not stay in my hair. After the fitting, my mom and I went to Wal-Mart to get a clip for my veil. A couple days before the wedding I will glue the veil onto the clip.

That same evening was my brother’s, Eric, Honor Convocation, in which the high school honors the high-achieving students and announces scholarship winners. Eric was honored for being on the honor roll all four years of high school. As soon as I sat down in the auditorium, I felt like I was in high school again. I was taken back to the night of my senior year honors convocation. I remembered the feelings that I had during the event. My whole goal during my high school career was to kick butt in academics so I could get scholarships to get my college education paid for. That night was a nightmare.

Before the event, I had applied for numerous scholarships, and I thought I had every single one in the bag. How could they not give me this scholarship? My parents were making next to nothing, I was graduating third in my class and going to the University of Pittsburgh to major in neuroscience to eventually do research and save the world! That night, my anger grew as I checked off yet another scholarship that someone else got that I applied for as well. Why didn't I get these scholarships? It seemed like the same people were getting them, and the people who were receiving them were not in financial need at all. My mom is lucky is can pay all her bills right now, let alone help pay for my continuing education.

Before they announced the scholarship winners, the principal whispered in my ear “Get use to this,” when I went up to receive the principal’s award. What the heck did he mean by that? My name was not being announced at all. Finally, after about 20 scholarships, the receivers of the Mildred-Cross scholarship were announced. About forty people received the scholarship and I was one of them. I was so pissed when I stood up when my name was called. One scholarship! One damn lousy scholarship when I applied for so many others. After the scholarships were announced, they gave out awards for Outstanding Scholar and Outstanding Senior. To sum it up, I walked away with seven awards that night. It even might have been more than the valedictorian might or salutatorian received. I left with a big smile on my face. Finally, I felt that my hard work during high school paid off and noticed. However, wood plagues don’t pay the bills.

Oh, how life turns out. If you told that 17-year old girl sitting in that auditorium what she would become three years from then, she would have thought you have joined the nut house! On the outside, there are some slight changes. After several hair color changes, I am went back to the blonde and black underneath that I had in high school. After trying every other hair color, I think I look better blonde, and Randy likes it better, also. I was a pale little stick then. Now, I’m a tan stick with some muscle. During the last three years, I’ve got addicted to the gym. I enjoy running and weight lifting. I’ve stayed about the same weight but just added muscle. Now, if only I could get away from sweets, I would look even better. It is nice to have my awards still on display in my room. I realized while at Eric’s Honor Convocation that the scholarship that I received made a significant contribution, whereas the other scholarships that I applied were of smaller value. In the end, the Lord still took care of me even when I didn’t believe He was there. That is another thing.

I might have only had slight changes on the outside, but the inside has gradually been transformed over the last three years. I am more confident then I ever was during high school. I had no clue what I really wanted to do with my life. Now, I know that I want to make a difference and help others in the spirit of Christ. In addition, my faith is restored. During my senior year of high school, I didn’t believe that God was out there. Therefore, I was slightly depressed. What was the purpose of living if there wasn’t anything beyond this life because in the end, everything was meaningless. I hated that answer. I tried to convince myself that He was out there, but he felt a universe away. Today, he is getting closer and closer. There has not always been positive progress. Some days it is two steps forward and three steps back. However, I am trying my best, and that is what counts. That 17-year old girl had to have a plan for everything. She had the next five years planned. Now, my plans are thrown out the window, and I am trusting in the Lord to guide me one day at a time. I know what is truly important in life now…faith and family because those are the two that will never leave you. In addition, the 17 year old would not have thought she would have fell in love so quickly and would be getting married in 15 days. Right now, I cannot believe it too. It is finally happening! I’m going to be stuck with my best friend for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

It’s amazing what a couple of years will do. I hope the only way I keep going is up.